The Highs and Lows of a Great Idea

So my sister finished reading this draft of my novel and we got to talking. She had some solid suggestions, but our conversation snowballed. As a direct result, I had decided to change a large number of things. On the one hand this is great. It has me really excited to push forward with this draft. It should prove to be very positive for my novel overall, and help me going forward with follow ups.

On the other hand, here comes the great depression/anxiety train. Why didn’t I think of these ideas in the first place? Will this novel actually ever finish? If I am at this stage changing important plot line will that slow down finishing to another year or so? Can I handle it taking that long after so long? Is it even worth it to keep going forward?

I hate that I can never just embrace the positive feelings. I was very jazzed up to make these changes, excited to work on the novel again instead of just trudging through. Yet I can never just be happy. I can never just be positive. I always have to beat myself up and see a million problems when something good comes along.

It’s frankly exhausting.

I am tired. I am tired of anxiety. I am tired of being manic depressive. I am tired of being my own worst enemy. I am tired of holding myself back. I am tired of feeling too old to push forward but then not doing anything to prevent another year from passing the same. I am just tired.

This post took a different direction than I had planned. It’s the reality of my life and some days it just creeps up on me. Despite my exhaustion, I am not willing to give up. Not now.

I will let these lows roll off my back and embrace the positive changes I can make to what will hopefully be a finished novel very soon.

3 thoughts on “The Highs and Lows of a Great Idea

  1. Sometimes I realise that my story could go in a million to one different directions – but in the end you have to know when to stop trying to add even more twists and turns or make your novel more perfect or more complicated than it already is. I’m sure her ideas were great (and sounds like you really want to include them) but as a writer you have to know when enough is enough – you are the one that has the ultimate say on when ‘it’s done’ – everyone will always come up with other ideas of what you should have written. Of course, if she uncovered a plot inconsistency – you better fix that ASAP! But if she just uncovered a whole new layer – you need to figure out what to include and what not to, otherwise you might throw in the towel and lose all motivation to finish. Why not write a whole new book based on her ideas? I mean seriously, a year is a hell of a long time to be working on the same old novel – I could write two novels in that space of time. I finished Book 1 in my trilogy a few months ago and even now I go over the story arc and wish I had of included a more interesting sub-plot, inserted a Samwise Gamgee type character and an interesting side romance. But I didn’t – and my novel is just fine how it is 🙂 I’m on Book 2 now and I’m looking forward to perhaps including more intricacies and twists then I did in the first -and maybe that Samwise Gamgee type character will make an appearance! What I suggest is start a new novel – lay this one to rest for a few months!

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  2. Sorry for the short reply I caught your comment right before I was getting ready to do stuff. First I should explain, the ideas are not just my sister’s. In fact she made like two suggestions I took off from there and got very inspired about other things. Second the novel has taken me well over a year. It’s been hard for me. Next to this the longest thing I have ever written was about 12 pages. It was a HARD transition to make. I do still appreciate all your thoughts on the matter 🙂

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