I returned from TwitchCon in a really positive place, wanting to make positive changes. I felt fired up and was clearly on a manic high for awhile. Then I got sick, then I missed an important deadline, then I just went right back into my old habits. My habits of drinking too much. My habits of not getting out. My habits of ignoring those I care about. My perpetual cycle of short intense highs where I was ready to work followed by extreme lows, that due to my own habits lasted much longer than they should have.
This is nothing new, you all know this. You all are probably tired of hearing about it. I know I am tired of talking about it and living it. The cycle started again and started too quickly.
I came to a decision of sorts that slow change was not working and to do something a bit more… drastic? Not really drastic but different. I’ve been spending my time away from streaming working on my writing and in turn ‘detoxing’ a bit (for a lack of a better word). Cutting out a number of things from my life, and starting to force myself back into certain positive things.
So what does this have to do with streaming? Not a whole lot other than I just simply haven’t felt up to it. I’ve made some pretty drastic changes to my lifestyle and my body and mind are simply reacting to it. Some of it’s good, some of it’s bad (but will get better). While the things I am doing are positive overall, it is still rather massive changes quickly. I simply need the time. It’s easy enough to make myself work on certain projects while feeling a bit out of control, however streaming is not one of those things.
I have no intention of making this break a long one, frankly if I felt I could have avoided it all together I would. Nothing I am doing is different from the things I thought about while at TwitchCon with making changes to my stream and life. However there has been a more aggressive push. Still slightly cryptic I realize, but there are still some aspects to my life I don’t wish to fully disclose. Hopefully I will have a stream time update soon.