I’ve been going to dark places more often lately. Some of it is my fault, I dwell, allow my depression and anxiety to overwhelm me. Some is just the nature of the beast. I’ve felt lost, like I am losing most of the things I have a connection to. Struggling with my writing despite my motivation. Losing my friends (whether that is true or not). Not being able to drive myself forward with my goals and health.
I know that this is something I just have to overcome, but occasionally it gets hard. I start to feel like I am not strong enough, not capable enough to really see myself through to the other side of these challenges. I feel alone, like I have no talent, that I have no drive, that there is not a better spot in my future.
Most of me knows this is not reality. That this is simply the bi-product of not being mentally healthy. Most of me knows that if I try harder and stay more focused that it will also help. Part of me just wants to give in and give up. I won’t, but it’s the reality of what is there, and the reality that sometimes things are just really damn hard.
I don’t share this to bum people out. I don’t share it because I need your sympathy (though I would probably take it). I share it because it’s very real and very true to who I am. That for all my efforts to try harder, to be more positive, to get healthier (mentally, emotionally, physically), that there are just some dark spots in my life. I think we all go through them, but it’s easy to forget that everyone else does too. Believing we are alone can be discouraging.
I hope I can overcome this dark place soon and keep pushing and driving myself forward to better things. I hope that the next time a dark spot comes upon me I will be better equipped for it, and better equipped the time after that, etc. I hope that those struggling with their own dark spots are able to find what they need to help them.
For now, I will do what I can.