I have written about my struggles with completing writing projects before. I always am attempting about five at any given time (sometimes more) and never see any of them through. It’s part of the reason why I have so few works out there despite the fact that I have a lot of pieces that are rather lengthy started. I promised myself in 2018 I was going to stop and see one major writing project through to completion. That aside from working on short stories I would not stop and switch to something else until I finished one thing.
The issue I am running into now, however, is editing.
I hate editing.
The problem I have with editing is that I hate everything I write. A good first edit should help you take out the bad, spice up the good, and keep the great. However, when you think everything is bad, it starts to be a struggle to move forward.
I have ended up stuck believing that my current project is crap and that there is nothing I can do to improve it and even if I do manage to complete it, it’s not worth putting out there.
It’s not a great place to be as a writer.
It’s discouraging and demotivating.
There is something to be said for individuals being their own worst critic. There is a point where it’s not just about critiquing your work, but about completely crushing your ability to do any work. I have to move beyond just random hatred of everything and reach a point where I am actually able to identify flaws and notice my strong points.
I am trying to extend the amount of time I spend each day with editing and force myself to see it through no matter how discouraged I get. Until I make myself do it it will never get done.
I want to start finishing projects. There are ideas I have, pieces I have started, works that I believe with time and editing have a real chance at being something good, possibly even great. Or I at least believe it when I am not drowning in self-doubt.
Until I learn to finish things, not just part of a draft, not just one draft, but fully complete them, then I will forever be stuck in writing limbo.
As long as I am stuck in writing limbo, I will never be truly happy.
I will see this project through, and I may still end up believing that I shouldn’t put it out there, but at least it will be complete. I will become an actual writer, someone that completes things, instead of someone who simply dreams of being a writer. I will train myself to edit just like I have begun training myself to focus on one project at a time.
I will make this happen for myself.