Hey everyone, I wanted to check in especially as I have been neglecting the blog and stream. I have been talking pretty openly about what has been going on on my social media, but I realize that not everybody that follows the blog follows me other places as well (which is understandable). I also went a bit silent about it for a few days as I was processing on my own.
This has been a terrible month for me, and I cannot emphasize terrible enough in that sentence. I have been hit hard with depression and anxiety spikes, and honestly, it’s been one of the worst months of my life. This is saying something as I have been struggling for the last two years or so, so things getting worse, was not only bad but scary.
About a week or so ago (maybe a little less) I had a little bit of a breakdown, which shockingly, was helpful… I didn’t do much other than cry for about three days straight, but I came out the other side feeling oddly better.
I don’t feel great, good would even be a stretch, but I do feel like I am moving in that direction and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am, however, exhausted. I decided to take a bit of a break from the blog and stream considering I was slacking anyway and give me some time to myself in order to really refocus.
I hope that this week I can start peppering in blog posts and streams, and that next week I can be completely back on schedule for both. I had wanted to really get back to things this week, but I realized I was trying to run before I had even attempted to walk. So slowly getting back on schedule seems a bit more within my grasp. I know it will take time, and I might slip, but I hope to focus on being productive and that that focus will help me feel better overall.
I am working on some lifestyle changes and getting really serious about other things I would like to do to prevent ending up in this place again. Before I get a ton of “you should try this” suggestions, thank you, but that is not why I am making this post. I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but I try to be honest about my mental health so that people know what’s going on and also because I feel more honesty is needed to help normalize the struggle. People tend to see “I’m depressed” posts and jump to “hey here’s how you fix it” instead of just absorbing “hey this person is having a hard time but seems like they know what they need to do.” I appreciate your care, concern, and thoughts, I have been here before, and I know what I need to do and what I need to take more seriously. I am not alone nor battling without advice from others.
I will say thank you to those that have followed the blog recently and welcome. I hope to be on schedule moving forward, and thank you to those that have stuck around. I also want to extend my thanks and love to those that have hung out with the stream especially with me going a bit silent for about a week now.
March will be a lot of healing and adjusting, but I am looking forward to coming out the other side ready to actually make the rest of 2019 a great year for me.